昔の作文(’04)

今日振り返るのは04年2月に書いた作文。

就職して1年たったころのもの。

内容は日常的なもので、平易な英語で書いている。

「会社のおつかいでコーヒーを買いに出かけたところ、帰り道で前を歩いていたホームレスの男性にからまれて・・・」という体験をつづっている。

わかりにくいかなと思うポイントは、ホームレスの男性が手に傘と支柱のようなもの数本(朝顔を育てるときに使うようなもの)を持っていたこと。

I bumped into an angry homeless the other day, and since then I have wondering what makes him angry so much.

In one winter afternoon, I was on an errand to get something to drink for my colleagues. After getting drinks at the Excelsior café, I was walking down the street with a big paper bag of coffees, feeling good. Since I work inside the building facing the PC all day and rarely go out until the work is over, going out on the pleasant day like that, Indian summer, made me extremely happy, even if it was just for an errand. However, I was unlucky to happen to walk just behind the angry guy, or maybe I have to say “I” made him upset. This guy looked a homeless, at his fifties or sixties. He was walking down the street one and a half meter right before me, holding in his right hand a black umbrella and a few plastic rods of about one meter length, which was usually used when you grow plant to hold its vine and I wondered what he would use for. These caused the trouble. He held them the way the bottom of them stuck to his behind, to my direction, as he swung his arm. I thought it could be dangerous, but did not worry very much and did not bother to make the distance between us bigger by slowing down because after all they did not reach me. In addition, I did not want to be thought by him that I kept away from him just because he looked a homeless. In that meaning, I was trying to nice to him. In contrast, he minded my walking right behind him a lot. After he did a few looking back to me, when I did not yet realized he was upset with something, all of a sudden, he cried out with his croaky voice, “YOU FOOL! CAN’T YOU SEE IT’S DANGEROUS? WHY DON’T YOU WALK OTHER SIDE? YOU IDIOT!” And he kept swearing to me with his top voice so everyone on the street could hear him. Now that my little happy time was completely over and my heart sunk to the ground. I thought to myself, “What’s wrong with him? It’s not me who had to watch out, but HIM, isn’t it?” I changed my direction and pretended that he had nothing with me, trying to be calm down.

(後略)

(感想)

就職して1年半くらいはこのような日常的な文章を書くことに力を入れていた。

大学時代に当時の実力以上の内容のレポートばかり書かされていたこともあり、卒業後に反動が出たようだ。

その後仕事での必要性に迫られて、むずかしめの英語(技術的なもの)を勉強することになり、日常的な文章をほとんど書かなくなって今に至る。

またこういう文章を書きたいなあ。

さて、上の文章は今読んでもわりとよくできたものだと思っている。

読み直すと、多少ケアレスミス(特に前置詞の抜け)が気になるが、基本的に文章の流れや表現力は今とあまり変わらないと思う。

この文章のような、出来事を時間の経過とともに描写している文章をnarrativeというのだが、自分としてはそれがうまく書けていると思う。

この中で私は最初は天気のいい日でうきうきしているのだが、最後はホームレスにからまれて落ち込んでいる。

このへんの心理状態の対比がおもしろい。

用語の選択は今見ても問題なく、文章が自然に流れている。

このころは英語の小説(難しくないもの)をよく読んでいたので、narrativeの文章が頭に入っていたのかもしれない。

書いていて楽しかった箇所は、ホームレスの男性が私にどなるセリフ。

“YOU FOOL! CAN’T YOU SEE IT’S DANGEROUS? WHY DON’T YOU WALK OTHER SIDE? YOU IDIOT!”

(お前はばかか?危ないのが見てわからないのか?あっちを歩けばいいだろう?まぬけが!)

このような失礼な表現は、映画などで聞いて記憶に残りやすい。

使ってみたいとは思うのだが、残念ながら(?)普段は使う機会がない。

このときは怒鳴られたのは災難だったが、作文で使えてうれしかった。

さて、この文章で気になるところは、前にも書いたが、ケアレスミス(抜け)が多い。

ケアレスミスというか、当時の実力ではこれが限界だったのかもしれない。

I bumped into an angry homeless the other day, and since then I have wondering what makes him angry so much.

(修正)I bumped into an angry homeless the other day, and since then I have been wondering what made him angry so much.

(先日、私は怒れるホームレスにでくわした。それ以来、なぜ彼はそんなに怒っているのだろうと考え続けている。)

He held them the way the bottom of them stuck to his behind, to my direction, as he swung his arm.

(修正)He held them in a way the bottom of them stuck to his behind, to my direction, as he swung his arm.

(彼はそれ(傘や棒)を持った腕を後ろ(私の方向)に突き出しながら腕を振り歩いていた。)

In that meaning, I was trying to nice to him.

(修正)In that meaning, I was trying to be nice to him.

(その意味では、私は彼に気を使っていた)

“YOU FOOL! CAN’T YOU SEE IT’S DANGEROUS? WHY DON’T YOU WALK OTHER SIDE? YOU IDIOT!”

(修正)“YOU FOOL! CAN’T YOU SEE IT’S DANGEROUS? WHY DON’T YOU WALK ON THE OTHER SIDE? YOU IDIOT!”

I changed my direction and pretended that he had nothing with me, trying to be calm down.
(修正)I changed my direction and pretended that he had nothing to do with me, trying to calm down.

(私は方向を変え、彼とは無関係のふりをし、冷静になろうとした。)

(追記)
一文が長すぎるものがある。
もうちょっと短くしたほうがいいかも。
このころは長く書くのが好きだった気がする。